Family
by Blind Oblivion
Summary: Sora is scared of toasters, Kairi likes being evil, Cloud is cruel and unusual, and Riku is headoverheels in love with Sora, one who lives in a family of evil incarnate. And said family isn't gonna make it easy for the two lovebirds [RS]
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

Warnings: Shounen-ai… and evil Kairi's

Author's Notes from Kira: WHEEE!! We finally get started on it! Me (Kira Sakura) and Raos (RaosX) will be co-writing this fic... so yay! Hope you enjoy it and everything!

Have fun with the next chappie, Raos!

**--------------------------------------------------**

"Sooo-waaa…wake up! Me 'n' Naminé wanna go to da paaaark…"

Sora groaned. He was currently prancing through fairyland, having tea-parties with Barney, the talking dinosaur. A few of the teletubies where there as well, sharing custard and doing teletubie-related-things. All in all, Sora quite liked where he was, drinking tea with too much sugar, and didn't want to leave any time soon. So, he did what any normal person would do when dreaming such nice dreams. He groaned, and buried himself in his bed, hoping in his dream-like state that the sticky little hands that were prodding him would go _away_. Sadly, it seemed those sticky little hands liked doing what they were doing, and weren't going anywhere soon.

"Kaiwi, you have to say da makic word! _Pwease_, wake up Sowa"

Oh, _great_. _Another_ pair of sticky, no-doubt-covered-in-some-sort-of-deadly-toxin hands joined the other pair, so that Sora had a total of four hands, twenty fingers and two little four-year-old girls trying to get him up. God _damn_ it. Sighing, and trying so very hard to cling onto his dream world, Sora swatted at the hands, mumbling sleepily, "Go away, you two. Sora wants to go back to sleep"

Said two were having none of that, though. They plopped down onto the clothing covered carpet next to Sora's mess of a bed, and started to scheme. The older of the two, Kairi, who had soft red hair and pretty blue eyes that all-but-one Leonhart's seemed to have, was holding her chin in her hand, frowning, and sticking her small pink tongue out. Her other hand was playing with the little red ribbons that had been stitched onto the hem of her light pink dress, twirling the ribbons around. Next to her, clutching a small brown pad, and wearing an exact copy of Kairi's pink dress, except that it was white, was Naminé, her twin sister. She looked like Kairi in every way, save her blonde hair. She looked a lot calmer than her sister, and was fiddling with her drawing pad.

"Kaiwi…let's just ask Woxas or Leon to take us…" Naminé suggested, her small cherub like face looking hopeful. Truth be told, she preferred her older brother, Roxas, to Sora, seeing as Sora was impulsive, very much so, and often got the twins into trouble. Not that he meant to, mind you. It was always just an accident. But Roxas thought things through, and was a lot calmer than his happy-go-lucky twin. Yes, the Leonhart household was full of twins.

Kairi shook her head, and said, "But Woxas won't take us to the park! He's too much of a tigh---tigh---_tight_ ass"

Sora, who had been half listening to the two little girls, bolted upright when he heard Kairi say those last two words.

"_Who taught you to say that_?!" He commanded, blearily blinking his bright blue eyes. If Leon figured out his little sister could say that he was screwed!

Kairi looked up at Sora innocently, and replied, rather happily, "Yay! Sowa's up! Now we can go to da park!"

"Kairi!" Sora exclaimed. Kairi pouted, and muttered, "I heard Leon say it yesterdaway. He said Woxas was a tight ass who needed to go get laid"

Sora sat there gaping, and both Kairi and Naminé giggled at the sight of it. "What's wong, Sowa?" Naminé finally asked her older brother. Sora twitched lightly, and said rather hurriedly, "Don't, under _any_ circumstance, say those words in front of Leon, do you understand?"

Unfortunality, Sora had forgotten, that even at the age of four, how utterly under-handed his sisters could be.

"Only if you take us to da park!" Kairi exclaimed, narrowing her purple-blue eyes. Sora sighed, knowing he was trapped. Sure, Leon might have been the one to say those words, but he would still blame Sora or Roxas for it. Leon was just like that.

"Fine, fine. I'll take you the godforsaken park. Get out so I can change" Sora muttered, throwing his pillow at the girls'. They both burst into a fit of giggles, and scurried out of Sora's messy room. Sora in turn dragged himself from his bed, and scratching his stomach sleepily, headed over to his drawer. He pulled forth a pair of old, worn jeans and a plain blue shirt. He wrestled with the jeans for a bit, hopping madly about the room fiddling with oh-so-evil buttons, and then, after calling his pants a series of particularly bad words, managed to get the damn things on. He then yanked his shirt over his unruly mop of chocolate spikes, and slipped on his over-sized black shoes. He then proceeded to dash out the door, down the hall, and into the kitchen. He was greeted by something most frightening.

Cloud Strife full of seven bowels of Fruit Loops.

Sora would have screamed, but that would be setting a bad example for the kids. Instead, he backed away slowly, praying the sugar-filled-fiend wouldn't noticed him. Cloud Strife, did, after all, have a reputation of being cruel and unusual when sugar was coursing through his veins. Or alcohol. But an intoxicated Cloud was ten times safer than a hyper Cloud. This Sora knew from experience. He still screamed at the sight of toasters. Which was why the Leonhart family went without toast. Roxas, who had, up until that fateful morning in which Sora had walked downstairs dislodging dried ice-cream from his hair before seeing the bright pink (Kairi's idea) toaster and breaking into a series of screams and yells of, "OH GOD NO!", been a toast fanatic. But now he had to suffer, and was stuck with plain, normal, peanut-butter-and-cream-and-cucumber smothered bread. It was quite depressing, to say the least. But anyway.

Of course, Sora's hasty retreat wasn't all that hasty seeing as how his dear, sweet, adorable, gorgeous, younger sister decided to let Cloud know of Sora's excistance.

"CLOOOOOOOUUUUUUUD!!!!!!!!!!!!! SORA'S TAKING TOOOOOOO LONG!!!!! MAKE HIM HURRRRRRRRRRRRY UUUUUUUUUUUP!!! HE'S IN THE KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!" Kairi screamed at the top her little lungs from the living room door.

Needless to say, Kairi was the very embodiment of _evil_.

Cloud's electric blue eyes twitched, and he whipped his head around, catching sight of the quivering mess of a boy that now stood, paralysed in fear, next to the doorway. Cloud blinked once, before a smile of pure madness etched it's way across his features.

"Why, good morning, So-ra. Kairi seems to want you to hurry up…let's do that then, shall we?" Cloud smirked.

Sora wet himself.

Cloud cackled, and advanced upon the poor, poor brunette.

--------

Two hours later we find Sora washing his hair out from under the park hose, scowling. He internally swore to make Kairi wet the bed tonight using luke-warm water… oh yes, that evil little spawn of Satan would _pay_. Sora scrunched his nose up as he dislodged a chunk of raw meat from his hair, and shuddered as he got a whiff of it. Stupid Cloud. Stupid Kairi. Stupid Roxas for just staring and laughing quietly to himself. Whatever happened to twin support? And where the fuck was Kairi?! She was there just a minute ago! Sora turned to ask Naminé if she had seen where her twin had run off to, feeling a wave of panic and worry wash over him. What would he do if she was hurt?!

"You Sora?"

Sora blinked, and glanced over his shoulder. His eyes widened as he took in the tall, well-built boy with long silver hair and the most gorgeous shade of aquamarine eyes he'd ever seen standing there, dressed in a sinfully baggy pair of cargo pants that hugged his hips so perfectly and was just low enough for one to get a glance at a faint silver treasure trail. The silverette was wearing a tight black muscle shirt, and had a blonde boy with chocolate brown eyes dressed in a pair of worn shorts and a dirty yellow shirt perched on his shoulders. And he was holding a small redheaded girl's hand…

"Kairi!" Sora exclaimed as he glared at the girl. Kairi smiled nervously, and explained, "I was only getting a ice-cweam"

Sora's right eye twitched, and he hissed, "You could've asked me to get you one! What would've happened if you got kidnapped or something?! Do you know how worried I would've been! How I worried I am now?!"

Kairi glanced at the silverette, an said, "But Wiku looked after me"

Riku smiled softly, and motioned to the blonde on his shoulders. "Hayner, my baby brother, found her walking around" Riku said. Sora nodded, and took Kairi's hand from him.

"Thanks…" Sora grinned. Riku nodded, and said, "Hey, you wanna get an ice-cream? For the kids? Hayner seems quite smitten with Kairi"

Sora blinked, and looked down at Kairi, who was smiling shyly at Hayner. Sora laughed, and he replied, "Sure. I'm Sora Leonhart, this is Kairi, and the shy blonde behind me is Naminé. Nice to meet you"


	2. Chapter 2

Warnings: More shounen-ai and more evil Kairi.

Raos: I'm actually surprised with myself. I wasn't thinking I would have this up by the end of this weekend, but apparently I proved myself wrong! Enjoy this next chapter!

* * *

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you too, Sora." Riku flashed an uncharacteristically toothy grin, reaching out with a free hand to tussle Sora's already messy spikes. Said boy blushed, surprised by the immediate contact, and swatted the hand away. 

"Hey! I don't think you want your hand to smell like dead cow leg. Am I right?"

Riku quirked an eyebrow in confusion. "Why on earth would it smell like that?" he smirked, quite sexily Sora noted, "Is that normally what you wash your hair with?"

"No! It's the result of that little devil right there!" Sora pointed an accusing finger at Kairi, who was skipping alongside Riku innocent as could be. She preoccupied herself with trying to kiss Hayner on the cheek, to which he kindly obliged.

Riku chuckled, "Aw, but she's so sweet and innocent. Look, isn't she cute, trying to kiss Hayner on the cheek like that?"

"Oh, you don't know the half of it..." Sora grumbled. "Kairi, stop pestering Hayner!"

"B-bwut, I see Cwoud and Leon do it alla time. They callit fwi- fwir- fwirting. Not pest'ring." she crossed her arms defiantly.

"I don't care what _they _call it. You barely even know him!" he scolded.

"Bwut-"

"I said **no**."

And the monster was unleashed. For the second time that day, little Kairi put her four year-old lungs to work, crying and stamping around the sidewalk, unable to be stopped. In turn, Naminé began to cry, too, upset by Kairi's commotion. Oh, so they get the twin support, but Sora didn't? What the hell? And now he had two uncontrollable, crying twin girls to deal with. Things couldn't get worse.

But they did. It seemed that Lady Luck wasn't on Sora's side today; karma was. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a certain spiky-haired blond walking towards them with his equally tall, brunette boyfriend holding...

An ice cream bar. The ultimate sugar rush.

Sora nearly died that instant. Cloud, attention drawn to the commtion nearby, advanced slowly towards him, a smug smirk gracing his features. Why him? He desperately glanced around, looking around for anything that could save his poor life. All he found was Leon, leaning coolly against a tree, looking as if he were asleep. Wow, he didn't even get the _older brother_ support.

Cloud was just now a mere three steps away from him, two if he took a longer stride, and Sora could have sworn the look in his eyes was inhuman. He wasn't even sure Cloud was human in the first place. But he was sure of one thing. He. Was. Doomed.

"It doesn't look like Kairi's very happy, Sora. Neither does her sister. It seems to me that you haven't been a very nice big brother. I can fix that, though," Cloud growled, now towering over him.

Sora cowered. He braced himself for the worst...

"Hey now, Sora's been a fine brother. There's no need to jump on him."

Sora's eyes snapped open. Who was that? Looking up, he caught a glimpse of that gorgeous body and shining silver hair once again. Riku?!

Said savior-of-poor-doomed-Sora knelt down in front of the two girls, who were still bawling their eyes out. He took hold of their still sticky hands (Sora shuddered), and in a gentle voice said, "Come on girls, cheer up. If you smile for me, I'll get you double the ice cream. My treat."

And with that, they both shut their mouths, sniffled a bit, and dried their eyes off. Sora gaped in awe. Cloud simply grumbled and walked off, Leon following suit.

Riku smiled, stood up, and winked slyly at Sora.

"Wow. You. Are. Great. With. Kids."

The silver haired teen shrugged nonchalantly. "It's no big deal. I have Hayner to take care of so-" Before he could finish, Riku was tackled the the ground by a certain spiky haired brunette who didn't seem intent on letting him go.

"Ohmigosh you just _totally_ saved my butt back there! You are my hero! Seriously! If you weren't there to calm Kairi and Naminé down, Cloud would have done something terrible to me which probably would have resulted in me going to the hospital and I don't even wanna think about going there again becausetheyhaveneedlesandevilscalpelthingsthataresharpandscarymmph-!" Riku placed a hand, the one that was not currently holding Sora's waist, over his mouth, effectively silencing the chatterbox.

"Calm down," he said slowly, chuckling slightly. Sora blinked and pushed himself off of Riku quickly, realizing he had been crushing the poor boy the whole time. And he didn't want to crush this totally hot guy he met just minutes ago, and probably had no chance in hell being with because he probably didn't even swing that way. Sora sighed heavily. If his day could turn worse than that, it would only be because Kairi would be scheming to lodge another sticky mass of ice cream in his hair. Or worse. Her initiating Cloud's sugar hype again, then getting the poor brunette into trouble.

"I'm sorry," Sora murmured, eyes trailing down to the ground where they took interest in a blade of grass.

Riku smiled genuinely, reaching out to pat Sora on the head. "Hey now, don't be so sad. I don't need to buy you double the ice cream too, now do I?" Sora's ears perked up.

"...I-I wouldn't mind that..." he replied shyly, "I do like ice cream. A lot."

"Ice cweam, ice cweam!" Kairi and Naminé both chanted in perfect unison, skipping around the two teens. Hayner was dragged into the fray when Kairi grabbed both of his wrists and swung him around with her. Sora groaned on the inside and shook his head.

"Come on," Riku said, tugging Sora's hand to catch his attention. Sora looked up into his stunning eyes immediately, as if they were a charm. Attention grabbing accomplished. "We've been distracted long enough. The ice cream stand's right over there."

"Ok." Sora said shyly, cheeks reddening again as he caught Riku's intense gaze. And he found that blush hard to get rid of, as Riku kept hold of his hand all they way over to the stand. Oh geez...

_Does he even know he still holding my hand?_ Sora asked himself. _Maybe I'll have a chance with him after all._ Oh yes. He smiled. Luck was finally returning to his side.

In some aspects at least.

See, about two minutes after they had ordered their cones, evil little sister Kairi, along with the help of her twin, had managed to (as Sora predicted) lodge two full scoops of ice cream into his hair along with a wad of bubble gum she was chewing and happened to get sick of.

And she just couldn't find a trashcan.

"Riku?"

"Yeah?" he asked, prying out another string of pink stickiness out of the brown spikes, earning a small whimper of pain from Sora.

"I have a favor to ask of you. As a new friend."

"What's that?"

Sora yelped as Riku managed to rip out a chunk of hair that was mixed in with the gum. Riku muttered a soft sorry and Sora continued, "Since you're so good at dealing with younger kids, could you maybe take Kairi along home with you for, I dunno, a couple of months? To straighten her out a little?"

Riku laughed, "I'm sorry, Sora. I can see now that she's not exactly a little angel. But still, I can't be her brother for you. You're gonna have to figure that one out by yourself. Although..." he paused, tugging out the last bit of the evil rubber, "I could give you some pointers sometime..., ah! All done."

Sora felt cautiously through his hair, checking and double-checking for any sign of leftover gum or ice cream. Satisfied, he shook his hair once, poofing it out all over the place.

Riku snorted, "Cute."

Sora scowled back. He looked around, spotting the three children playing in the same spot he and Riku told them to play at while they attempted the arduous task that was gum detaching.

Amazing. Kairi hadn't actually run off somewhere! Now that was a first. Anytime that just he asked her to stay in one place, he usually just received a knock in the head with one of her dolls, or something of the sort. But this time, he had this silver haired boy, in all his seventeen years of glory, handling the kids with him. This guy was simply amazing...

"Hey, let's grab the kids. I need to get them home soon, or hell knows what'll happen to me." Sora said.

"All right." Riku followed behind Sora, calling for his little brother, Hayner. Sora in turn called the twins. All three rushed over in an instant, giggles and all that was cute in a bunch of little kids.

* * *

They all arrived at Sora's house not too long after. Finally understanding the fact that Riku and Hayner weren't going to be spending anymore time with them, the two twins began to squeal and cry again. Actually, Kairi was the only one who was crying about this, mainly because of Hayner, not Riku. Naminé was only crying because she copied everything her sister did. Nonetheless, they were loud and troublesome, much to Sora's dismay. Disobedient too. 

A few moment's time resulted in a disheveled Sora, and two whining girls stuck inside the house, pounding their fists violently on the windows. _Dammit_, their hands were still sticky with ice cream. Now he'd have to clean those windows...

Riku, placing his little brother back onto his shoulders, smiled at Sora. "Well, it was fun, Sora. Good thing Hayner found Kairi wandering around. I was trying to find him a good friend. And it looks like I got two for the price of one."

Sora cocked his head confusedly, "But Naminé's so shy. She doesn't really make friends that well."

Riku chuckled, "I was talking about you silly. Hayner made a new friend," he poked Sora on the nose, "and I made a new friend. A cute one at that."

Sora blushed.

"Here." Riku placed a piece of paper into his hand. Unfolding it, Sora saw a number written on it. A cell number.

"I-I..." he stuttered.

"For when you're having trouble with that evil little sister of yours. I'm always available." And with a wink and a wave, Riku turned around and walked home. Sora could only stare after him.

Oh, things were definitely looking up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

**Warnings:** We shall all feel for Sora's hair. And Sora had cheese issues.

**Author's Notes From Kira:** Wheeee!!! Next chapter!! Not very funny… I think… I dunno…

I am having so much fun with this.

Especially writing Cloud.

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Sora smiled broadly as he helped wash up after another hectic dinner, causing Roxas to raise an eyebrow and wonder if his brother had finally lost it. He glanced back at the giggling girls who sat watching a cartoon on the kitchen TV, and over to the leering Cloud. Leon was reading some book – A Hundred and One Ways to Wear Leather – and everything seemed relatively… _normal_. Blue eyes went wide as he realised that hell had frozen over. He dropped the Barney the Dinosaur plate he had been holding, and clutching the side of his head, screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!"

Kairi, in turn, screamed back, "Nwooooooooo!! Barnwey!!!!!!!"

Naminé screamed because her sister screamed, and Cloud screamed because everyone else seemed to be doing it and he didn't want to stand out too much. Leon ignored it all, while Sora rolled his eyes and muttered, "I live in a family of mad people"

He drained the sink, and walked past the screaming group of idiots and up to his room. He flopped onto the bed, frowning when he felt a plastic Barbie leg sticking up into his stomach. He reached down and pulled it out, and his eyes went wide as he stared at the poor, poor piece of rubber. Her hair had been cut short and painted green, and half her face had been burned off. Her pink dress was torn and her right leg was missing.

"Oh dear God…" Sora gasped, feeling a shudder run up his spine. Kairi really was evil. Hell, Sora wouldn't be surprised to learn she was the Devil's daughter. Sora decided to bury the Barbie tomorrow, and he sighed. Oh, he was bored. He reached into his pocket to grab his phone, but his fingers brushed a sheet or paper instead. Blinking, Sora pulled it out, and he read it in interest.

_Riku's number._

_097-2581-22_

_If Rikku or Paine answers then HANG UP._

Sora blinked again, before a huge smile lit up his face. He grabbed his phone, and dialled. He listened to the credit lady tell him how much money he had left, and then the few beeps and clicks. Then it started to ring, and Sora squealed. Leon, who had been trekking past Sora's room to his own, paused, and looked at the boy's door oddly. Shaking his head, Leon continued on his way, pretending that his family wasn't insane. Yes, Leon was in denial. Deep, deep denial. Sora, meanwhile, was started to feel a little upset, seeing as how Riku had yet to pick up. Then,

"Yo"

Sora's breath hitched in his throat, and he squeaked, "H—hi… i-is Riku there?"

"This is he. Or did you want she? Sora?"

"Yeah" Sora smiled. He settled down into his bed, and twirled his neko phone charm around his pinkie.

"Hey! I was waiting for you to ring"

Sora's felt a lump rise in his throat. "You… were?"

Rich laughter filled the line, and Sora felt himself melt.

"Yeah. I was kinda hoping you would" A chuckle. "I was looking forward to talking to you again"

Sora flushed, and squirmed. He went to reply, but he paused when he heard a shout of, "MY ROPE!! KAIRI! YOU ATE MY ROPE!! NOW HOW AM I GOING TO GET TO WORK?!" echo up the stairs. Sora sighed, and chose to ignore it. Riku must of have heard it, though, because he said, "Rope?"

Sora nodded, before realising Riku couldn't see it. "Yeah. Rope. Cloud seems to think that having rope in the car will protect him from 'powers of evilness, meanieness and walking bananas'"

"… walking bananas?"

"Yes, walking bananas. Never let a hyped up Cloud watch strange flash movies with bananas that dance to 'Peanut butter jelly time'"

"You… have a odd family"

Sora snorted, "You think?"

"Yeah. I think… no, Yuna you may not… Jesus fuck! Paine! Get away from there—"

Sora winced when he heard a particularly loud 'BANG' come from the other side of the phone. Riku shouted something along the lines of, "Axel, can't you _control_ them?!"

"Um… did I get you at a bad time…?" Sora asked. Riku replied, "No, no. Axel, the _idiot_ – yes I meant for you to hear that, you redheaded pyro – can't baby sit to save his life. My parents are paying him $20 a hour and he can't even--- no, Axel!"

Sora blinked. Axel… where did that name sound familiar…?

Suddenly Sora bolted forwards in his bed as he exclaimed, "Roxas' horny stalker!"

"You called?" A new voice said on the phone. Sora blinked again, and said, "… what happened to Riku?"

"Aqua is busy reining in his… six brothers and sisters at the moment. So I'm here to keep you company and try to leach Roxy-poxy-woxy-loxy's number offa you until he gets them all to sleep"

"…"

"Hello? Heeelllooo? Shit. Aqua, I just scared your boy toy off! DON'T SUE ME!!"

"I'm here!" Sora yelled, flailing his arms around.

"Oh. OK. Anyways, Roxy-moxy-toxy-qoxy's number. Please and thank you"

"There is no way I'm giving you Roxas' number! Ever heard of twin support?"

Sora paused. Blinked. Smirked. Cackled.

"Actually, it's 689-2009-66"

Ah, sweet, sweet revenge.

"Oh, hey! Thanks! Aqua, you done yet?! I wanna go stalk Roxy-joxy-foxy-soxy's phone!"

More yelling, and then Riku was back.

"Sorry. Rikku, Yuna and Paine decided to revolt"

"Who?"

Riku laughed again. "My three little sisters. They're eight. Hayner's five, Pence is six and Olette is four"

Sora smiled. "Seems we both have big families"

"Yeah. I have an older brother, too. Zexy. We're both adopted"

Sora's eyes went wide. "You're adopted?!"

More laughter. "Yeah. Zexy found me when I was three walking around the shopping mall. No one knew who my parents were. He was seven. He decided to take me to his new parents, and mum and dad fell in love"

"Oh"

"Hey, don't go feeling any pity, OK?"

Sora smiled again, and went, "Yeah. No pity"

For the rest of the night the two boys' talked, both chuckling when Roxas came bursting into Sora's room, looking highly traumatized and waving his phone about while babbling on and on about how Axel now had his phone number and the world was coming to a end.

By the time Sora had hung up, he had discovered that Riku's favourite colour was blue, he liked vanilla pocky, he liked hard rock, and had a deep love for Sailor Moon. Sora had laughed at the last one and had almost choked on his own spit. That night, as Sora fell asleep, he dreamt of Riku and himself, dancing with the power rangers.

---

It was one of Kairi and Naminé's favourite past times. Smirking, Kairi positioned the plastic snake on Sora's chest, while Naminé started to play 'The Nutcracker' on her CD player. Blinking blearily, Sora opened his bright blue eyes, and dragged himself from the hula-dancing cows that now inhabited his dreams.

"Smeh…" He mumbled, wondering what on earth that noise was. He looked to one side, and then to the other, before looking forward. His eyes fell upon a ready-to-strike cobra that sat on his torso.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sora screeched, leaping backwards and banging his head on the wall. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!" was then added. Kairi and Naminé grinned, and they also yelled, "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!"

Sora paled, and reaching down slapped his hands over both girls mouths. He ignored their licking tongues that continually brushed against his palm, and stared at the door. Heavy foot-steps, and Sora whimpered sadly.

Then the door burst open, and Leon stood there, eyes wide and wild.

"THEY LEARNT IT OFF YOU!!" Sora wailed. Leon snorted, and hissed, "I do not swear in front of the girls, you fucking moron!"

Sora felt he should point out that Leon had done just that. Leon called Cloud.

Who had had two bowls of ice-cream, nine sugar cookies and fifteen cans of pepsi.

Sora mourned for his limbs, hair and right ear.

---

"Wow…_dude_… shit, look at _that_!" Tidus gushed as he stared at Sora's hair. Sora sobbed silently, and muttered, "He melted cheese in it! CHEESE! And not good cheese, either! He melted _tasty cheese_ in it! Why not parmesan? Something expensive?"

Wakka snorted, and kicked a pebble as the three boys walked towards school. Roxas was trailing behind them, ducking in and out from behind bushes and mail boxes, looking around furtively for Axel.

Tidus shrugged, and stopped. "Hey. Look at that! Isn't that that emo senior that Demyx likes?"

"Tidus, your brother likes Z-E-X-I-O-N. Please, remember that. Not Riku" Sora mumbled, not really paying attention to what was happening. He then stopped, too, and looked up. Sure enough, Riku was walking towards them, Zexion next to him. Oh. So Riku meant Zexion. Not Zexy.

Huh.

Riku then looked up, and a huge smile lit up his face. Sora blushed, realising that that smile was directed at him, and him alone. He rushed forward, not really looking where he was going.

Which is why he ran into the conveniently placed lamp-post.

And then when he pulled back, he realised his cheesy hair was stuck to it. Probably left over glue that Kairi had added to Cloud's cheese.

Bother. At this rate, Sora would end up bald by prom.

Sora screamed at the thought.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Still don't own Kingdom Hearts. Neither of us do.

Warnings: Just some more evil Kairi, Cloud, yadda yadda, Sora being picked on. And talking toasters!

AN from Raos: I got kind of lazy with this chapter. It's ok I think, just not as funny as it could be. Still, it's really fun to write, especially Kairi's schemes. So much evil at such a young age. XD

I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Sora whimpered and cowered beneath one of the couch pillows. It was the scariest thing that had happened to him this week. Scarier than taking the little heathens that were Kairi and Naminé to the park, scarier than facing Cloud on a daily basis, and scarier than even sticking his hair to a random lamp post, completely embarrassing himself in front of Riku and his other friends. Who had left him to rip his head away from the pole, with Riku's help of course. Some friends they were.

But no, it was worse than all of those things. It was Kairi's favorite movie, _The Brave Little Toaster_. She had insisted that Leon buy it for her as a present for being a little good girl when Sora took her to the park. Leon had shrugged and shoved the job onto Sora, who immediately refused. Leon sent Cloud along for backup.

And here Sora was, strapped, or rather tied down, to the couch under Cloud's watchful eye along with Kairi watching _The Brave Little Toaster_. Not to mention after their supper of chocolate double-fudge cake, double stuffed Oreos, Twinkies, Cinnamon Crunch (without milk), and more Pepsi. So Kairi was hyper, Sora was sick, and Cloud was... well, you know by now.

Sora cringed. It was going to be a long, long night.

Something tapped him on the shoulder. Maybe Cloud had endured enough and was going to let him off easy! Careful not to align his eyes even close to the television screen, Sora looked up. It would be a cold day in hell when Cloud would let him off easy he told himself. It was just Leon.

"It's for you," he grunted, shoving the phone to Sora's ear. He held it there only because Sora couldn't himself given his current situation.

"Hello?" Sora asked uneasily.

"Hey," came the rich, melodious voice from the other end. Sora felt himself melt again.

"Riku!" he exclaimed, "You called me! But how did you get my house number?"

"Oh, I have my ways." he said devilishly. Sora went silent. Riku noticed this and laughed, causing Sora to blush, "I'm just kidding. Tidus gave it to me this afternoon after school ended. I figured I would ask him for it in case I couldn't get you on your cell." So Tidus was useful after all Sora thought to himself.

"I-I'm sorry!" Sora had completely forgotten he had left his phone in his room. Not that he could do much about it now. He was tied up, and even if he could go get his phone, he couldn't because it was covered in ten gallons of vinegar and sardines. Not to mention the various cobra and mutilated Barbie toys littering his floor. Indubitably the work of Kairi and her sister. The walls were probably sticky, too. Didn't those girls ever freaking wash their hands?!

"Sora? Are you there? Or are you being mauled by flying seals with pink chalk?"

"What?" he heard Riku laugh again, "Sorry, I was spacing out I guess. And you can stop laughing now!" he shouted into the phone.

"Ok, ok. I was just worried. You know, your family and all- Paine, Rikku, get off of there! I told yo-"

And the line was cut off. Sora blinked.

"R-Riku?" No answer. He sighed and nodded to Leon to say he was done. Leon growled and walked into the kitchen for some unknown reason, most likely to get more Snickers that Cloud would end up stealing.

Sora glanced up for a split second. It was a big, big mistake on his part. His eyes finally caught the sight of a singing, talking toaster, dancing its way across the screen. Screaming in pure fear, he broke free of the belts that were securing him to the couch and ran upstairs into his room.

He slipped on six sardines and a banana peel.

Kairi, Naminé and Roxas all laughed at the sight.

Three hours and nine showers later, Sora found himself laying in the guest room and still smelling faintly of vinegar and sardines. He pulled out his cell phone, which he managed to rescue from his fouled up room, and dialed Riku's number again.

The voice that greeted him was not Riku, however. "'Sup?"

"Uh, Riku?"

"Naw, Aqua's not available right now, please leave a message after the- wait. Aren't you that spiky headed friend of his?"

"Yes, and I have a name, you know, it's-"

"Okay, Cocoa, he's here. Look, it was great talkin' to you and all, but I gotta get back to my Roxy-poxy-loxy. So if you don't mind..." Roxas screamed down the hall.

Man, revenge was amazing. "Of course, Axel. Have fun!" Sora answered cheerily, smile growing as he heard his twin continue to scream. Seconds later, he heard that rich voice again.

"Hey, Sora. Sorry I cut you short earlier, my sisters were being impossible again."

"That's all right," Sora sighed unconsciously, "I figured you were having trouble again. But I was wondering..." he paused, nose wrinkling at the foul smell of vinegar, "Do you have any tips for dealing with uncontrollable siblings?"

Silence. Sora cocked his head confusedly at the sudden quiet on the other end. "Riku?"

"Actually, Sora," he heard Riku sigh on the other end, "I really don't know anything at all about dealing with siblings. It was kind of a lie so that I could talk to you more... I really like you, Sora," Sora's heart began pounding, "A lot. And I was thinking," Yes... His heart pounded faster, "That if we became really, really good friends, we could," Yes?... His heart was beating in his throat now, making blood rush painfully to his head, "take it farther?"

"Yes, yes, hell yes! I'd love to Riku!" Sora, out of pure excitement, bounced up and down on the bed. He soon found his first bounce would be his last. As soon as he hit the bed again, it crushed under the pressure, springs creaking, leaving him flying and screaming towards the ground.

What the fuck?! He could have sworn they bought a new mattress for this bed a week ago! Roxas cackled outside the door, his phone still up to his ear.

"Sorry," Axel's voice came from the other end, "Roxy's not feeling too nice towards you right now. He doesn't like that you gave me his number."

"That's right. What were you thinking when you did that Sora? What about our twin support thing?" Roxas chided.

"Hmph. It's not like you've shown me much in the last five years Woxy-Poxy" Sora taunted.

"Roxy," Axel whined into both lines, "Stop bothering Aqua's boy toy and talk to me again." Roxas fainted right then and there out of fear, leaving Sora to laugh maniacally and drag him out into the hall for the vultures. Namely Kairi and Naminé.

After finishing up his conversation with Riku about their confirmation of officially going out and about twenty goodbye smooches, he hung up and found the couch was the only other place left for him to sleep. Snuggling under the blankets he managed to rip off of the broken mattress in the other room, he dreamed happily of him and Riku again, this time surfing with the Smurfs, Bugs Bunny and a Pikachu.

And the next morning he woke up to _The Brave Little Toaster_ blaring right in front of his face, molasses and decorative feathers all over his body, and Kairi and Naminé giggling as the put crickets into his sticky hair.

Sora cried at the thought of facing Riku in his current state. But it was okay. Riku would still like him even if he showed up to school covered in molasses and feathers with thirty crickets jumping around in his hair while all of the other students laughed and mocked him, right?

Kairi and her twin left the room for a brief moment, returning with a bucket of powdered sugar. Where in the hell did they get that? Cloud followed behind them. And this was only the beginning of the day. Sora whimpered.

School started in two hours.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM. Tetsuya Nomura does.

Warnings: BRAIN EATING CRICKETS!!

Author's Notes From Kira: … I AM SO SORRY!!!

This is so late… but…

Ok, so I have no excuse save for the fact that school work is plentiful (but I finish this week!!!) and I lost this…

You'd have no idea how many fics I've lost to my hard drive…

---------------------------------

Two hours later we find our dear, sweet, heavily traumatised Sora running out the door of his house, sloppily dressed in his school uniform, Roxas running after him and swearing to the Gods that if they were late and if Axel even so much as showed up he'd commit suicide. Although, as soon as both boys rounded the corner, Roxas realised that that probably would be happening, today.

"Roxy my love!" Axel screamed as he jumped the unsuspecting blonde. Sora ran straight past them, ignoring Roxas' screams of terror. Right now, he really couldn't care less if Axel devoured Roxas alive. He was going to be late damnit, and he really didn't feel like having more people stare at him - because everyone stared at the late kids - then he already would be having today because of the GODDAMN INSECTS THAT WERE CRAWLING INTO HIS EAR!!

Screaming, Sora's hand immediately flew to his right ear, and he brushed at it furiously. It was no use, though. He could feel the must-be-mini-cricket crawling in further. Tears started to fall, and he fell to his knees, convinced his brain was going to be devoured.

"Sora?"

The brunette looked up, and there stood Riku, Zexion behind him. "Are you al--oomph!!"

Sora let out a yell, and launched himself at the silver haired teen. Riku caught the smaller boy, only to have Sora wail, "It's in my EAR!! GET IT OUT, RIKU!! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!!"

Riku, taking in the small bugs that were threading their way through Sora's chocolate locks, realised what the boy was talking about. He turned Sora's head to the ear Sora had been pointing to, and gently blew in it. Sora shuddered, and then sighed in relief when the small bug came flying out. He looked up at his boyfriend in gratitude, and whispered, "You have no idea how much I love you"

Riku's eyes widened at that, and his face became flushed red. Choking, he stuttered, "W--what?"

Sora smiled at Riku, and pressed a chaste kiss to said silverette's nose. He wiggled out of the stunned boy's arm, and started to run his fingers through his hair in an attempt to get the remaining bugs out. Zexion rolled his eyes, and muttered, "Whatever. See ya at home, Riku. I'll tell the teacher you're sick or something. Take your little pet home and get the bugs out"

Riku blinked, broken from his reverie, and nodded. He turned to face his brother, and smiled. "Yeah. Thanks. See ya"

Zexion hmphed, and continued on his way to school. Riku looked over at Sora, and grabbed the boy's hand, causing the brunette to blush.

"C'mon. I'm taking you back to my place, kay?" Riku said, as he started to tug Sora back down the street he had come from. Sora looked back at the pathway that led to school, and then at Riku, obviously trying to decide which was better. Riku noticed, and shrugging said, "Or we can go to school and let the crickets eat your insides"

Sora shuddered again, and he looked up at Riku. "Let's go to your place!"

---

"Wow…" Sora breathed as he looked around. Riku's house was, needless to say, huge. He was standing in what was probably the hallway, but it looked more like a ballroom. In fact, the only thing disqualifying it from that description was the way the right wall was covered in pictures. Smiling slightly, Sora padded over, looking at the photos. There was a photo of two little boys', both dressed in a pair of overalls with large red gumboots. Sora giggled when he took in Riku's pout, Zexion standing next to him with his eyes closed in annoyance. Next to it was a very good sketch of a rose, Riku's name signed in the corner. It was beautifully realistic, but the scribbly picture beside it ruined the general effect. Sora wondered briefly what it was supposed to be, but then Riku, who had gone to get something to drink and a comb, entered, and said, laughing, "That's Hayner's attempt of the sun"

Sora blinked at the picture, before saying, "But it has a sheep on it"

Riku nodded. "Yes. It does"

A heavy silence suddenly weighed upon the two boys, until Sora let a eek of surprise as another cricket tried to take over his body. Riku chuckled, and motioned for Sora to follow him.

"Come on" He said as he started up the near by stairs. Sora hastily followed Riku. The stairs led to another hallway, and Riku led Sora to a large white door. "This is my room" Riku explained as he pushed said door open. Sora could only gape. His room was quite large, and the walls had been painted a deep blue. All along the top of them Riku had stuck those glow-in-the-dark stars, an odd planet here and there. His bed was pretty big, and had a huge, homemade quilt on it. His walls were lined with bookshelves, which were stacked with books about pretty much everything. Horse Breeds, Dinosaurs, even a few volumes of Naruto. The top of the shelves had lots of odd little trinkets, horse shoes, a cow's skull, a few shells, some dried flowers. There were photos, too. Of Riku when he was younger, a picture of him and Zexion.

Then there was the giant TV. Yes, couldn't overlook that.

"Sit" Riku commanded, pointing to his bed. Sora nodded, and plopped down on said piece of furniture. Riku climbed over behind him, and started to comb out the crickets. Sora started to pur at the feel of Riku's hands running through his hair, and soon his mind was pleasantly numb.

"Nnngh…" Sora moaned softly, leaning back into Riku's chest. Said silverette chuckled, and pressed a soft kiss to Sora's temple. He combed out the last bug, and smiling said, "There. Done"

Sora turned around and smiled happily at the older boy, before exclaiming, "I know! Let's go out! We're not going to school today, or anything, right? It'll be fun!"

Riku laughed lightly, and nodded. "Ok then"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: You know already...

Warnings: Hmm... Cloud with sugar?

A/N from Raos: I'm so sorry! This chapter's late, too.

And there's some bad news about that, guys... Kira's probably not gonna have the next chapter until sometime next month. Don't kill us! Just enjoy the chapter for now :D And yes, if you noticed, the first part is kinda like a little snippet from a Spongebob episode. We don't own that either.

* * *

"So..." Sora paused in his tracks for a second, taking a glance around the city that was Destiny Islands. Four hours out and about, no less rushing to about everyplace they could think of to go, left the couple with nothing to do at all. In short, they were _bored_. "What do you wanna do now?"

"Hmm," Riku walked up next to Sora, slinging an arm around the brunet, "I dunno. What do you wanna do?"

Sora pouted at Riku's response. He really wanted something to do... Suddenly, he gasped, tugging on Riku's arm gently. "I know what I wanna do, Riku..."

"Sora?" Riku looked down at his boyfriend, noticing his vacant expression. He waved a hand in front of Sora's eyes, trying to bring the boy back to reality, earth, anything. When Sora made no sign of response, Riku shook his head, concluding that he so sadly did not seem to have picked all of the brain-eating crickets out of the boy.

Sora had gone brain dead.

But then...

"There," Sora said shakily, pointing an equally shaky finger straight in front of him. Looking up, Riku noticed that they were standing right in front of the movie theater.

"Sora, I don't get it. Why are you so excite-"

"THIS IS THE ONLY MOVIE THEATER ON THE ISLAND THAT SHOWING THE NEW CARE BEARS MOVIE!!!" Sora squealed at the top of his lungs and excitedly grabbed Riku's hand, dragging him to the ticket stand. Riku scratched his head.

"Um, Sora this is a great idea and all but there's just one little problem..."

"What, what, what, Ri-ku?" Sora asked, bouncing up and down on his heels.

Riku placed both of his hands on Sora's shoulders, calming him down a little. "Do you have any money to pay for the tickets?"

He immediately regretted asking the question, no matter how truthful it was. Sora's eager expression quickly transformed into one of sorrow and depression. Waddling over the the wall, Sora slumped down to a sitting position, banging his head against the wall. "No..." he whined pitifully.

Before Sora could cause anymore damage to his brain (the crickets _had_ done enough), Riku pulled Sora up with ease, causing the boy to stumble into his arms. Sora blushed and Riku laughed. Ruffling Sora's hair, he assured, "It's no big deal Sora, I have my wallet with me. I'm pretty sure I have enough to pay for everything-"

"Ohmigod Riku, thankyouthankyouthankyou!" He squeezed the silverette tight, littering the boy's face with endless kisses. "I love you so much!"

"I know, I know, I love you too. Now get off so I can pay."

* * *

It was officially a record. Sora and Riku had paid for their tickets, bought their excessive amount of food at the concessions, including three extra large tubs of popcorn, twenty-five bags of M &M's, a handful of Twizzlers and two drinks, and sprinted into the theater in a matter of thirty-two seconds. The movie began just as they rushed inside, Sora sighing happily in relief, and the boys were simply left with the process of choosing their seats. However, the theater seemed to be packed, all with little children and their parents, and only the third row up from the front was open.

Sora and Riku took their seats after Sora had counted which seat was _exactly_ in the middle of the row, mentioning to Riku that if he wasn't in the exact middle he would twitch and have spasms throughout the whole movie. They set their load of food down beside them, and began to eat as the magical world of the colorful, caring bears developed on the screen.

About two minutes into the movie, Sora felt something poke at his head. Not feeling it at first because his hair was that thick, he ignored the sticky finger prodding at his head, happily enjoying the movie and his beloved buttery popcorn. Again the sticky finger poked at his mop of hair, the addition of a deep, almost menacing voice catching his attention.

"Hey, kid with the big ass hair. I can't see the screen. Move your head."

That was all it took to get Sora out of his carefree state that was just him, Riku and the Care Bears, and into an angry one. No one called his hair big and got away with it.

"Excuse me, _jerk_," Sora began, turning around to face the moron who dared to call his hair "big ass", "I suggest you, y-you..." His face immediately paled in shock. The guy sitting behind him was not who he was expecting it to be. He was figuring that he was turning around in his seat to face a fat, 40 year old man who lived in his mother's basement, had an unhealthy obsession with the Care Bears, and had come to watch the new Care Bears movie because his mother had kicked him out of the house because she had to do her grocery shopping and didn't want to leave him in the house alone. But this was no 40 year old fat man.

This was a young man with a familiar head of blond spikes. Spikes that were even taller and harder to see over than Sora's were.

Cloud.

Now Sora would have back sassed Cloud with that fact... if he had a death wish. Of course Sora knew better than to challenge Cloud at anytime of the day, no less in a movie theater that sold an abundant amount of candy. Candy that contained sugar.

So, poor, little Sora simply turned back around, sinking slowly down in his seat until he was out of Cloud's sight. Maybe Cloud didn't notice it was him. Sora hoped to the gods he didn't; there would be hell to pay if he found out that Sora was skipping school. And if Leon found out by word of Cloud...

Sora shuddered at the thought.

What was he hoping for, though? Not even a monkey that had been dropped on its head too many times would miss Sora's distinguishable head of spikes. He was the only person besides Cloud who had them. Of course the hyperactive blond would know it was him.

"Sora? Is that you?" he heard Cloud ask behind him. Sora debated on how he would answer that question; no matter how he answered it, he would probably end up spiraling down into a hellish nightmare.

"Yes?..." he answered timidly.

"Sora!" another voiced called his name this time in a harsh whisper. It was higher pitched than Cloud's and sounded quite hyper. And there was only one certain other little devil that would get as hyperactive as Cloud.

Kairi.

His prediction was proven right as his hair was littered with extra buttery popcorn, sticky hands making sure that it all was caught inside every single spike of his hair. Well, at least it smelled better than dead meat.

"What are you doing here?" he heard another voice growl. This one was different than Cloud's, too. It even more menacing than Cloud's sounded. That could only mean...

Leon grabbed hold of Kairi, placing her gently back in her seat. Sora gulped as he reluctantly turned back around. He was anticipating an angry face, a very angry face, but what he saw was so much more. Leon was livid.

As Sora was planning out his last words in his head, Riku had turned around to see what all of the commotion was about. He looked back and forth between an angry Leon and a terrified Sora before throwing in his own word; possibly one that would save Sora's hide. Again.

"Sora's here because he was feeling sick at school. Since I was in one of his classes, I took him to the nurse who promptly said he needed to go home as soon as possible. I took him to your house, but the door was locked. Then he told me that if he went to the movies, he would feel a lot better. So that's why Sora's here."

Sora blinked in awe. Was Riku stupid? Now they would both have to plan out their last words. He gulped again.

"Sora has always gotten strangely better when he watches a movie," Leon snorted, "Fine, I'll believe that... for now. Just get out of my sight."

And under that glare, Sora had Riku and himself out of the theater in less than a second. Sora couldn't help but peck Riku on the cheek after he caught his breath and calmed down.

"You are amazing. How did I manage to find such an amazing boyfriend?"

Riku blushed in return, "I don't know." He laughed, "But even if I did save you back there, you'll probably still get grounded. I'm assuming that Leon doesn't let you off very easily. Am I right?"

"Yeah, you're right about that..." Sora groaned, "No telling what he'll do to me this time. He doesn't just ground me, he goes as far as letting Kairi and Naminé do torturous things to me."

"Such as?"

"I don't really want to go into the details," Sora shuddered, "I will tell you, though, that it usually involves my hair."

"You poor, poor thing." Riku sympathized, pulling Sora into a warm hug. He looked up at the sky, noticing the orange that signaled the end of the day. "Hey," he nudged Sora off of him, "It's getting late. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Sora's face turned cherry red as Riku gave him a goodbye kiss. "Y-yeah," he stuttered, "I'll see you tomorrow..."


End file.
